When will mom die?

I realize one of the problems I am having is not knowing when my mother will die.

It's not that I am now afraid she will die. Over the past 2 years I thought she was going to die about 20 times or more. The first being when she collapsed during rehab and was called "code blue".

So, in many ways I have already mourned her passing.

Now I am at the stage, which I can only tell my very closest friends, that I am afraid she won't die. Oh, I know that someday she will die, but it might not be as soon as I thought.

And that's a bit depressing. For me, and quite frankly, for her.